00:30, 18 Oct 1999
These web pages made public.

18:05, 18 Oct
Sign-ups posted (let's see if anyone wants to play)

00:30, 24 Oct
Sign-ups come down. Targets get a grace period until 1:30 am, Monday morning.

01:30, 25 Oct
Let the games begin.

07:08, 26 Oct
Krista kills Glenn in the lounge, attaching a buzzer to his shorts. Glenn curses himself for insufficient paranoia. +5 style points for first kill, unless someone else died earlier that I haven't been made aware of yet.

Kremlin: +25 (25)
Upper P: -15 (-15)
Krista Ehinger: 1 kill

~21:00, 26 Oct
Krista attempts to kill Christian at fencing by placing a squeaking doggie toy under his fencing gear. He discovers the object, but it doesn't go off. This counts as a failed assassination.

Vatican: +5 (5)
Kremlin: -5 (20)

~23:00, 26 Oct
She's very persistent! This time, Krista leaves a device outside the Vatican shower door while Christian's showering. He opens the door a bit, becomes suspicious, and refuses to come out. Krista takes the buzzer and runs away. This puts her in the odd position of being both the would-be assassin and the person who saved the target.

Kremlin: +5 (25)
Kremlin: -5 (20)

~01:00, 27 Oct
Teo meets her death in Cannes, setting off a trip wire planted by Dan Fabrycky.

Cannes: +20 (20)
Avery: -15 (-15)
Dan Fabrycky: 1 kill

01:10, 27 Oct
A very busy night! With clever use of reverse psychology, Glenn manipulates Jon Foster into triggering a bomb under his own alarm clock. See the Tales of the Dead for more.

Upper P: +20 (5)
Cannes: -15 (5)
Glenn Jones: 1 kill

~17:30, 27 Oct
Third time isn't necessarily the charm, as Krista proves with her latest attempt on Christian's life. Christian tells me that he went into his room, heard a strange sound, and discovered a buzzer in his drawer--but it had already gone off without his intervention. Krista isn't sure that's possible. Without other evidence, I'm not scoring this one.

No score

19:15, 27 Oct
Sarah Warren trips the same wire as Teo, unleashing the Golf Balls of DOOM!!! Seems Dan is getting a little overly proud of his weapon. Future use may cost Cannes style points.

Cannes: +20 (25)
Hell: -15 (-15)
Dan Fabrycky: 2 kills

22:00, 27 Oct
Added a willing target for Swamp--Eric Hale decides to put his life on the line.

23:15, 27 Oct
Faith opens a washing machine in the laundry room to retrieve her clothes. To her surprise, her clothes are no longer there, but a fork is, and it makes a loud clang in the bottom of the machine. Attached is a friendly note from Jesse, Kaisa and Colin. The Hellfrosh have finally begun to fight.

Hell: +20 (5)
Vatican: -15 (-10)
Jesse Pino: 0.333 kills
Kaisa Taipale: 0.333 kills
Colin Rundel: 0.333 kills

01:30, 28 Oct
Dan discovers a film canister full of pennies in Pandora's closet, designed to burst as the closet door is opened. (Some people have skeletons in their closets, others have pennies.) The same froshly trio which engineered Faith's death is responsible.

Cannes: +5 (30)
Hell: -5 (0)

Early morning, 28 Oct
Ryan Cox finds a small bomb playing music in his bed. It's labeled KAE, which I presume stands for Krista Ehinger. (She confirms this.)

Kremlin: +20 (40)
Pub: -15 (-15)
Krista Ehinger: 2 kills

~12:30, 28 Oct
Christian dies by unleashing a swarm of golf balls from under his towel in the MDH bathroom. As one might guess by the mode of death, the assassin is Dan Fabrycky. This makes Dan a MASTER ASSASSIN--and also a tempting target.

Cannes: +60 (90)
Vatican: -15 (-25)
Dan Fabrycky: 3 kills

22:00, 28 Oct
Christian returns Master Assassin Dan's golf balls to him. There's an extra special bonus in the package, though. Dan finds this out when the bag starts buzzing. Master Assassins really should be more careful.
NOTE: Christian has used up his suicide bombing for the game.

Vatican: +30 (5)
Cannes: -15 (75)
Christian Thomas: 1 kill
Dan Fabrycky: LAME

Late evening, 28 Oct
Chris Elion asks Stephen Thrasher to check his bicycle for bombs before heading back to Del Mar. Sure enough, a spoon falls out of the back wheel. Attached is the note: "To: Chris From: Tim"

A clarification to the rules: If person A saves target B from a bomb (by discovering it, dismantling it, etc.), then the +5 points for saving a target go to the alley of A, not necessarily the alley of B. I've modified the Rules page to make this clear.

Chester: +5 (5)
Tunnel: -5 (-5)

14:05, 29 Oct
Robert Enright knocks on the library door, luring Tim Crosby out into the hallway. As Tim closes the door again, Robert's just-planted sensor device triggers.
NOTE: Robert has zero suicide bombings left.

Cannes: +20 (95)
Tunnel: -15 (-20)
Robert Enright: 1 kill

05:13, 30 Oct
Kaisa wanders into Hell early (late?) in the morning (night) and hears a high-pitched whining noise. She states, "I was worried that something was wrong in the electrical wiring and we'd all die, but then I remembered assassins - only Jesse would die." Unfortunately for Robert, the planter of the bomb, Jesse didn't wake up to hear it.

No score

18:50, 30 Oct
Robert Enright tries to kill Joe Carroll with a bomb in his backpack. Joe manages to pull the bomb out without detonating it, then has Seth set it off.

Off Campus: +5 (5)
Cannes: -5 (90)

21:45, 30 Oct
Robert's next attack succeeds, however. Amy Peterson sets off a bomb attached to a wire strung over the balcony from the 5A kitchen to room 5. "At least it's a classy one," she remarks.

Cannes: +20 (110)
Pub: -15 (-30)
Robert Enright: 2 kills

03:15, 31 Oct
But his third try fails again. According to Ayeh, "Teo just stopped by my door to find a pile of AMa 95 notes, which she then picked up. And in between them, she found a bomb that Robert had left." Ayeh also comments, "Cannes sucks." The ArbitOr feels that Cannes is a fine alley, although perhaps a little overly enthusiastic.

Avery: +5 (-10)
Cannes: -5 (105)

15:30, 31 Oct
That man just won't give up. Wren finds a bomb under her backpack at Munth. It's clearly the same one reported by various other targets, for the label reads:

            Rafi
      For   Amy
            Jesse
      From  Robert
            Wren

The rest of the names are written in pen, but Wren's name is written in pencil in the last space left on the note. This kill makes Robert a Master Assassin, although not one with very neat penmanship.

NOTE: After a bomb has been used too many times, the number of style points subtracted for its use will double each time.

Cannes: +60 (165) [kill]
Cannes: -5 (160) [style: illegible note]
Cannes: -5 (155) [style: same bomb used over and over]
Munth: -15 (-15)
Robert Enright: 3 kills

22:15, 31 Oct
Dan Fabrycky is attempting to make a comeback from his crushing blow of lameness. He plants an eraser spiked with a buzzer and photocell by Grace while she's doing her math set. It works beautifully.

Cannes: +20 (175)
Cannes: +5 (180) [style]
Heaven: -15 (-15)
Dan Fabrycky: 1 kill since being "Lame" (4 total)

12:15, 1 Nov
In Cannes' continuing quest for world domination, the alley mounts a strike against Jesse of Hell. Everything seems to work perfectly with Dan and Jon Foster's ingenious plan. According to Jesse,

It was really ingenious- they placed a photoresistor/ buzzer bomb under a tray in the kitchen and rigged it so that I picked it up (they put butter on the top tray so no one touched the pile, John was in front of me- he moved the butter tray and took the next one. When I picked up the next tray, i saw a note on it. I thought "oh, shit, I'm dead".

Unfortunately for Cannes, the bomb (which sounds like the same one used on Grace) fails to go off, and Jesse claims it.

Hell: +5 (5)
Cannes: -5 (175)

Sometime several days ago
So Vikki has emailed me about a lame bomb that she attempted to plant on Grace, before Grace was dead. It was a sign with stuff inside to make noise. Not only did Grace not realize it was a bomb (even though there was a note on it), but she thought there was some kind of animal inside, so she set the sign outside on the smoking porch so it could get out.

Heaven doesn't lose points for this, because the bomb was so lame that no one ever even connected it with Alley Assassin. Tunnel, on the other hand, should be ashamed. I'm even taking off style points from Tunnel because I just didn't feel right taking points away from Heaven.

Heaven: -0 (-15)
Tunnel: -2 (-22) [lame bomb]
Tunnel: -5 (-27) [style]

23:12, 2 Nov
Keith logs in to one of the SGI's at UGCS, only to find that he's somehow mysteriously started the Ride of the Valkyries playing on every SGI in the cluster. At the same time, his account spams moles@ugcs with a message from Wren and Rafi claiming responsibility for the killing.

Ordinarily I wouldn't consider computer bombings. However, Rafi cleared this with me earlier, and I agreed because somehow, the thought of all the computers in UGCS playing the Ride simultaneously seemed rather impressive. Rafi gets +5 style for asking in advance, but a THUMP for using someone else's account to send email while they were logged in.

Off-Campus: +15 (20)
Munth: +10 (-5)
Womb: -15 (-15)
Wren Montgomery: 0.5 kills
Rafi Rubin: 0.5 kills and a THUMP

01:50, 3 Nov
Robert opens his door slightly, notices something suspicious underneath it, and gets Dan to disarm it. Turns out it's the same photocell they had tried to get Jesse with a couple days ago, and he's returning the favor. He also, unintentionally, returns the bomb.

Cannes: +5 (180)
Hell: -5 (0)

14:10, 3 Nov
Wren hands Robert his yearbook. Unfortunately for Robert, it's rigged with a little flashing red light. This means Robert's reign of terror as a Master Assassin is over.

(Slightly delayed note [11 Nov]: This counts as Wren's suicide bombing.)

Munth: +30 (25)
Cannes: -15 (165)
Wren Montgomery: 1.5 kills
Robert Enright: LAME

Sometime, 4 Nov
Clayton, in the shower, notices that red stuff is coming out of his shampoo bottle. Since it isn't one of those fancy strawberry-scented kinds, he immediately suspects something. Sure enough, he takes apart the bottle, and inside is a mercury switch which would have closed a buzzer circuit, had he tipped the bottle further over. It's a really cool bomb (labeled Robert, Jon and Dan), and the "blood" is a nice touch, but cool failures don't win you any points.

Upper P: +5 (10)
Cannes: -5 (160)

15:58 (EST), 9 Nov
Dave Tytell (B.S., Caltech, 1999) opens a box purportedly containing his long-awaited copy of the 1999 Big T yearbook. Unfortunately for the poor man, it is actually a mail bomb created by Wren, Glenn, and Christian. (So much for loyalty within the Red-Headed Conspiracy!) An obituary is thoughtfully provided--see the Tales of the Dead.

Technically, of course, Dave isn't a target, and so no one can earn or lose points for his assassination. However, the ArbitOr has absolute power regarding style points, which will be distributed in the following manner: +20 for the kill, +10 more for classiness and amusement value.

Munth: +10 (35)
Upper P: +10 (20)
Vatican: +10 (15)
Alums: -15
Wren Montgomery: 1.833 kills
Glenn Jones: 1.333 kills
Christian Thomas: 1.333 kills

~19:00, 10 Nov
Jesse opens the door to his room, and on the inside are three pieces of masking tape, stuck to the door and the wall. Attached is the following note:

Apparently the noise of ripping tape was supposed to be a bomb. Well, the ArbitOr is forced to admit that it meets all the minimal characteristics of a successful bomb. Even though it is sort of tacky (pun intended).

Chester: +20 (25) [kill]
Chester: -2 (23) [style]
Hell: -15 (-15)
Dave Guskin: 0.5 kills
Aaron Simons: 0.5 kills

00:50, 11 Nov
Eric Hale and Liz return from the Pokémon movie, turn on the light switch, and discover that Eric's lights have been replaced by black lights. They're labeled KAE. Unfortunately for Krista, Liz was the person to flip the light switch, so Krista's bomb misses its intended target.

The +5 points Liz gets for saving a target go to Swamp.

ArbitOr's Note: I'm jealous. No one ever replaces my lights with expensive black lights.

Swamp: +5 (5)
Kremlin: -5 (35)

Before 10:00, 11 Nov
Pandora is killed by a windchime which Krista has attached to her backpack. Apparently this happened sometime early in the morning as Pandora was going to class. This makes Krista (briefly) a Master Assassin.

Kremlin: +60 (95)
Cannes: -15 (145)
Krista Ehinger: 3 kills

08:30, 12 Nov
Pandora quickly gets her revenge. Since Krista's a Master Assassin, she is now also a target. So Pandora gives Krista her wind chimes back, with the addition of some spoons (always a popular assassination tool). I'm told that Krista did not look happy.

For statistics aficionados, Krista provides some numbers: "I survived 2.5 times as long as Dan did. Robert survived 2.5 times as long as I did. All of us did a pretty shoddy job staying alive."

Cannes: +30 (175)
Kremlin: -15 (80)
Pandora Elliott: 1 kill
Krista Ehinger: LAME

Morning, 12 Nov
Krista tapes some sort of electronic device to the back of Elisa Chiang's whiteboard, with a tripwire to the door. Krista notes, "Apparently it was actually her boyfriend who was in the room when I bombed the door, but since Elisa went back to get something just minutes after I planted the bomb, she was the one who tripped it. Cosmic balance for Eric and Liz, I suppose."

While she's at it, Krista also gets Ayeh with a similar bomb, set around 9:30 and tripped by lunch. This is all presumably part of her grand Master Plan; surviving targets should certainly take note.

Kremlin: +40 (120)
Avery: -15 (-25)
Heaven: -15 (-30)
Krista Ehinger: 2 kills since being "Lame" (5 total)

Sometime, 12 Nov
A device is placed in Clayton's room by Krista, but he apparently fails to notice it. Krista is rather puzzled by this. Even if he didn't hear the buzzer because he was playing loud music, she can't figure out how he managed not to notice the device duct-taped to his floor. (Me either.)

No score

02:45, 17 Nov
Krista kills Joe Carroll, having taped a tray full o' junk to his bicycle with invisibly thin fishing line. That makes Krista (once again) a Master Assassin and, for the first time in weeks, puts an alley other than Cannes in the lead. More details will be provided once I've escaped my bottomless abyss of physics sets. (I.e., don't hold your breath.)

Kremlin: +60 (180)
Off Campus: -15 (5)
Krista Ehinger: 6 kills

~19:00, 18 Nov
Eric Hale returns to his room after dinner. Before opening the door, he thinks the phone is ringing--but it turns out to be one of Krista's bombs. Eric didn't set it off, so he isn't dead. However, no one else noticed it, disarmed it or set it off either, so no one gets points for saving a target.

No score

Late evening, 18 Nov
Remember Kristine's singing Christmas card from previous years' Alley Assassin? Well, IT'S BAAACK!!! At Jane's farewell party, Wren and various co-conspirators give the card to Jane's innocent-looking pre-frosh, Sarah Davis. Once rigged with the card, Sarah passes it on to Jane. The note inside says, "Jane, we love you. Also, you're dead. Love, Blacker Hovse."

ArbitOr's Notes: This presents rather a problem for the scoring. Fortunately, the ArbitOr can hide behind Rule 2, which clearly states, "No more than three assassins can claim responsibility for any one bombing." Jane is still dead, but no one gets points for the assassination. Also, not that it matters, if Sarah Davis were a social or full member of Blacker Hovse, she would have used up her suicide bombing. (For shame... using a poor innocent frosh in such a way!)

Goodbye, Jane. We'll all miss you.

Chester: -15 (8)
Blacker Hovse: 1 kill

04:45-12:00, 22 Nov
Krista saves Clayton from a bomb. It's an electronic device from Dan Fabrycky, planted in Clayton's backpack. However, lest anyone think that Krista is acting purely from altruistic motives, the reason she saves Clayton from Dan's bomb is so she can plant her own windchimes on his backpack.

Later in the morning, though, Clayton notices the chimes and disarms them. About noon, he plants them on Krista's door with the note reversed. Her roommate Sarah discovers them, however.

Just in case that wasn't confusing enough for everyone, here's the official scoring on the morning's events:

Kremlin: +5 (185) [Krista saves a target]
Cannes: -5 (170) [failed assassination]
Upper P: +5 (25) [Clayton saves himself]
Kremlin: -5 (180) [failed assassination]
Kremlin: +5 (185) [Sarah saves Krista]
Upper P: -5 (20) [failed assassination]

~22:00, 23 Nov
Dan Fabrycky of Cannes ties a Can to the back of Clayton's car, just before they go off to see the James Bond flick. (An appropriate time for a bomb...) So it rattles on the ground when Clayton pulls out of his spot in the parking structure. Anyway, after countless attempts on his life, Clayton is finally dead. Poor boy.

Cannes: +20 (190)
Upper P: -15 (5)
Dan Fabrycky: 2 kills since being "Lame" (5 total)

~21:00, 24 Nov
Krista kills At-Large target Chris Elion with a repeat of the "tie stuff to someone's bike" trick. She attaches some forks to Chris' bicycle with the very same fishing line that got Joe Carroll several days ago. Since Chris is a target at large, no one loses points for his death.

Kremlin: +20 (205)
Krista Ehinger: 7 kills

~17:00, 25 Nov
Tory puts windchimes on Krista's chair at Thanksgiving dinner at Munth. Unfortunately for Tory, Krista is right there, so she just asks Minta to remove the chimes. In order to prevent further paranoia, the ArbitOr declares the rest of Thanksgiving off-limits.

Kremlin: +2.5 (207.5)
Hell: +2.5 (-12.5)
Munth: -5 (30)

02:23, 28 Nov
So the Blacker Hovse mailing list gets an email early this morning with a URL pointing to a Blue Mountain greeting card. It's a typical cheesy Web greeting card, except for the message which states,

Our Deepest Sympathy
!!!BUM-BUM-BUM!!!
)-: You are all dead :-(
- avery_smores

Now, this fails to be an acceptable bombing for several reasons: (1) It's a computer bomb; (2) It doesn't have an assassin's name; (3) It doesn't name a specific target. Upon further investigation, Teo "A Bomb, A Spy, A Fire" Beloreshka proves to be the guilty party. Her terrorist organization, TNT, "demands to the leaders of Alley Assassin that we are declared the LAMEST alley, is that too much to ask for :-) ?" Well, I guess this pretty much speaks for itself.

No score

20:30, 29 Nov
Dave Guskin dies in a rain of pennies, "like the vengeful flames of the Tech Office," as he puts it, when opening the Tech Office door. The assassin, Jon Foster of Cannes, has conveniently prepared a descriptive news article.

Cannes: +20 (210)
Chester: -15 (-7)
Jon Foster: 1 kill

Morning, 1 Dec
Vikki puts a note on her roommate's alarm clock, stating that it's a bomb. She claims that this means Nora bombed herself. The ArbitOr thinks not. The ArbitOr thinks that this is all part of Tunnel's plot to come in dead last in Alley Assassin. Nevertheless, such actions must be scored appropriately. Since this was certainly a "lame bomb" (if a bomb at all), Nora is still alive. So let's see:

Tunnel: -2 (-29) [Lame Bomb set by Vikki]
Tunnel: -5 (-34) [Insufficient Paranoia by Nora]
Tunnel: -5 (-39) [Style, for bombing themselves]

21:30, 1 Dec
The ArbitOr would like to remind everyone that Alley Assassin officially ends at 5 pm this Friday, December 3rd. Note that this is BEFORE the Secret Santa presents will be opened, so paranoia at the Christmas party is not necessary. If there is anyone you would like to kill before Friday, better step on it!

~14:00, 2 Dec
Dan Fabrycky kills Harry Liu while sitting next to him at the ME 72 contest. (He puts a tilt sensor with attached buzzer on Harry's bag.) This returns Dan to Master Assassin status from his previous lameness, and puts Cannes far in the lead.

Cannes: +60 (270)
Kremlin: -15 (192.5)
Dan Fabrycky: 6 kills

~12:00, 3 Dec
Tory Sturgeon opens her mailbox to find that she's dead. Krista had taped a buzzer to the inside of the mailbox. Tory reports that the sneaky Master Assassin had also left an empty envelope in the mailbox, to encourage her to open it.

Kremlin: +20 (212.5)
Munth: -15 (15)
Krista "The Reaper" Ehinger: 8 kills

14:15, 3 Dec
Corrected version:
Nora Mullaney goes to Steele House to pick up her Final Support kit. "Little did she know that Death was ironically what she would get," states Mr. Fabrycky, her assassin. As soon as she enters Steele House, he plants Ye Olde Tilt Sensore on the door, so she trips it on her way out. Tunnel's quest to get the lowest Alley Assassin score ever is nearing completion.

Cannes: +20 (290)
Tunnel: -15 (-54)
Dan Fabrycky: 7 kills

Sometime, 3 Dec
So Krista emails me to ask what happened to her last bomb of Eric Hale's room. Eric responds:

Finally ever since the 2nd bomb by Krista I have been doing a finger sweep of the bottom of my door before I open it (either way) and the last bomb was taped to the bottom of the door. If it just been about 2 inches up I would be dead but as it was I found the tape, pealed it off, left the room and "disarmed" it.

Swamp: +5 (10)
Kremlin: -5 (207.5)

17:00, 3 Dec
Alley Assassin ends for the year with the firing of the cannon. Final results: Cannes, much to no one's surprise, wins with 290 points. Kremlin, due entirely to Krista's efforts, is second with 207.5 points. The leading assassins are Krista Ehinger (with 8 kills) and Dan Fabrycky (with 7).