10-30-2002 (7:20pm):

Event: Uncategorizable Confusion
Target: Brandon Rawlings
Assassin(s): Andrea Kung
What happened:

Brandon needed to use Heaven's facilities but Andrea wouldn't let him without harassment. When Brandon was on the throne Andrea attached a Rattle or Something Bomb (Brandon's description) to the door. Brandon wiggled out beneath the stall door, and fled in terror once someone opened the outside door, giving him freedom.

The name of the game is Assassin, not Hostage Negotiations. The element of surprise is the most fun part!

Point Changes:

Heaven (-15):
   -2 (harassment)

10-30-2002 (9:00pm):

Event: Failed Assassination Attempt
Target: Tina Hsu
Assassin(s): Matt Krogstad
What happened:

Matt gained access to Tina's sweatshirt at Ultimate Frisbee class and improvised with a Pennies Carefully Muffled by Paper Dud. She picked up the sweatshirt after class, but the envelope fell noiselessly.

Remember that a defuser's alley gets 5 points and a target who gets lame-bombed loses 5 points. So if you suspect a bullet, get someone else to look down the proverbial barrel; it could be a 10 point swing. By the way, Matt's taking up a collection to replenish his investment (a dime should satisfy... anyone?).

Point Changes:

Hell (0):
   -2 (lame bomb...)
   -3 (...and pennies to boot!)

Swamp (+45):
   -5 (insufficient paranoia)

10-30-2002 (10:20pm):

Event: Kill
Target: Randy White
Assassin(s): Kevin Duncklee
What happened:

Kdunck hooked up his famous USB (Universal Serial Bomb) to Randy's computer. Turning it on was the action which set the bomb off. Although the computer was instrumental, the device is clearly hardware, and thus not a virtual bomb. Please see tales of the dead

Earlier I encouraged you to kill Kdunck. But that's impossible since he's not a target. Sorry for the confusion. Sleep is for the weak. I mean sleep's for the weekend, apparently.

Point Changes:

Munth (0):
   -15 (loss of target)

Off Campus (+23):
   +20 (kill)

10-31-2002 (1:20am):

Event: Kill
Target: Brandon Rawlings
Assassin(s): Andrea Kung
What happened:

Andrea killed Brandon with a Teddy Bear Bomb. Not that huge, scary, heart-wielding one, but a small, personal-sized one.

Point Changes:

Tunnel (+30):
   -15 (loss of target)

Heaven (-17):
    +20 (kill)

10-31-2002 (11:00am):

Event: Failed Assassination Attempt
Target: Tina Hsu
Assassin(s): Kevin Duncklee
What happened:

Nate left his backpack in Tina's room. Kdunck got in there somehow (guess who lived there over the summer and has an override key) and planted a Buzzer Bomb. Swamp wrestled the lead back from Off-Campus. Vatican also reemerged as the leader in absolute value. Unfortunately Nate doesn't belong to any alley, so his defusion points don't count for anything. Well, at least he saved Tina and caused Kdunck to lose 5 points, so it's like a 20 point gain for Swamp. I guess now the bomb goes to Nate and he gets to keep it or give it to someone (who could that be?) to use in the game.

Point Changes:

Off-Campus (+43):
   -5 (defused bomb)

10-31-2002 (9:40pm):

Event: Craziness
Target: Clayton Featherstone
Assassin(s): Kevin Duncklee
What happened:

I have no idea. If you can get a straight answer out of Munthhaus, then I'll buy your truth serum. Kdunck reported a kill even though he was told it was defused. I bought it and put Kdunck up as a master assassin for a while, but I repealed it tonight when Clayton told me otherwise. Then no one reported a defusion. I think Clayton didn't die. But he wanted to be dead 'cause he just doesn't care. (See what happened on 2-30-2050, down about 7 events.)

10-31-2002 (6:30pm):

Event: Kill
Target: Tina Hsu
Assassin(s): Ewen Choi
What happened:

Tina's luck ran out on the third attempt at her life as Ewen asked her to deliver a Dinner Message Skittles Bomb. She whipped a napkin off the plate to reveal what she thought was a Nate Lewis head, but low-and-behold, she tasted the rainbow.... of death! You know, there is that phrase, "Don't shoot the messanger." Oh, well. Although Ewen was well clear of the blast radius when Tina blew herself up, by the letter and spirit of the law and not the analogy, Ewen's used her suicide bomb.

Point Changes:

Swamp (+40):
   -15 (loss of target)

Reichstag (-17):
    +20 (kill)     Ewen uses Suicide Bomb

10-31-2002 (7:10pm):

Event: Failed Assassination Attempt
Target: Lillian Pan
Assassin(s): Candace Seu
What happened:

I'll let Lillian relate the story of Candace's Rocks(?) Bomb:

"I had been worry about James Mao, who was seen tampering with my combo lock earlier, but when I got back from dinner, I was surprised to find that someone had snuck in through my hyperspace entrance instead. I immediately recruited Jonathan down the hall to help me search the room. We'd gone through all the drawers and I was about to declare it all clear -- though with misgivings -- when he thought to check the medicine cabinet. Out spilled a large amount of small, white granular things, I'm not really sure what they are. (Rocks, perhaps?) Interesting choice of a place for the bomb... there was a very real chance that I might not even have opened the cabinet anytime in the next two weeks. But it's definitely better this way."

Point Changes:

Heaven (+3):
   -5 (defused bomb)

Tunnel (+15):
   +5 (defused bomb)

10-31-2002 (7:10pm):

Event: Failed Assassination Attempt
Target: Chris Moore
Assassin(s): Kirsten Welge
What happened:

Chris outsmarted the Photosensitive Bomb that I made last year planted by Kirsten. Kevin Peng defused it. Chris says:

"So, today at pumpkin carving I let Kirsten borrow my Dremel to carve her pumpkin, despite her previous attempt on my life. I even let her keep using it after I left the courtyard. So when she returned my dremel, I didn't think she would be so mean as to plant a bomb in it. But in the spirit of paranoia, I still had Kevin defuse it. BEEEEEEP!!!"

This event brings Hell to the bottom of the Absolute Value ranking and allows Vatican to augment its lead in said ranking.

Point Changes:

Vatican (-41):
   -5 (defused bomb)
   -3 (unappreciative behavior after borrowing tool)
   +3 (cool lights in your bathroom :-) )

Hell (-5):
   +5 (defused bomb)

10-31-2002 (8:00pm):

Event: Kill
Target: Jesse Liptrap
Assassin(s): Serina Diniega
What happened:

Serina, trusted captain of the fencing team, killed off Jesse with the simple-but-deadly Weapon in a Weapon, bells attached to his sword, hidden by the hilt. Please see tales of the dead

Point Changes:

Diniega (0):
   +20 (kill)

Kremlin (-15):
    -15 (loss of target)

10-31-2002 (9:40pm):

Event: Failed Assassination Attempt
Target: Kevin Lui
Assassin(s): Kevin Peng
What happened:

Peng tried to kill Lui with an Photosensitive Buzzer Bomb, hiding it in his ping pong pattle's bag (yes, he has a bag for it). Unfortunately for Peng, Lui saw his bag missing for that brief moment during his game. Lui kept his wits and played on, and at the end of the game calmly asked his Darb ping-pong pal Akil to defuse it.

Point Changes:

Hell (0):
   -5 (defused bomb)

Cannes (+5):
   +2 (keeping calm-- I like that!)

10-31-2002 (10:13pm):

Event: Failed Assassination Attempt
Target: Lucie Lee
Assassin(s): Kirsten Welge and Tina Hsu
What happened:

Abby and Lucie write: "A tragedy was narrowly averted. Sweet, innocent little Lucie, seeing Kirsten's lovely, shiny, dark blue cloak (it's BLUE!) bugged Kirsten about letting her have the cloak. Unnaturally, Kirsten happily agreed to a temporary arrangement. As soon as she handed over the cloak, Lucie and Sandy became suspicious. Lucie froze with the cloak draped over her hand and asked Sandy to come examine it. But Sandy was too far away, and Kirsten refused to take back the cloak. So Abby came to Lucie's rescue and risked her well being. Over various bystanders' protests that Kirsten would not be that sneaky, Abby shook out the cloak, and out fell a blinking ball intended for Lucie, and a note signed by Kirsten and Tina. So thanks to Abby, Lucie was able to stay alive long enough to enjoy the rest of that teeth-rotting night. Perhaps the paranoia from their doomed game of Lord of the Rings rubbed off on them."

Point Changes:

Shaft (+20):
   +5 (defused bomb)

Vatican (-46):
   -2.5 (defused bomb)

Swamp (+25):
   -2.5 (defused bomb)

11-1-2002 (7:20pm):

Event: Kill
Target: Jesse Pino
Assassin(s): Grace WildAnger and Christina Telles
What happened:

Grace gave Pino a haircut as she does for many brave or cheap souls (like me!), but it was to be no ordinary cut. You might say she sliced so much off she killed the man. But you'd be wrong-- the real weapon was Pennies in a Can Tied to A Piece of String Hidden Behind the Bar Door Bomb that Christina set up so that Pino would trip it while picking up a dustpan to clean up the hair.

Point Changes:

Swamp (+22.5):
   +20 (kill)
   +2.5 (giving good haircuts)

Off-Campus (+38):
    -15 (loss of target)

2-30-2050 (13:20pm):

Event: Kill
Target: Clayton Featherstone
Assassin(s): Jeff Blackburne
What happened:

Recieved via email:

"Kdunck's bomb is very dead. Jeff killed me last night, with the lead pipe, in the conservatory. I am no longer a target.
Luv,
clayton"

Point Changes:

Munth (-15):
   -15 (loss of interest... I mean, target)
   +5 (Great recreation on Friday afternoons: 3pm 'til dinnertime)

Heaven (-2):
    +20 (I believe that Jeff killed Clayton...)
    -20 (...just kidding!)

11-2-2002 (11:20pm):

Event: Lame Bomb, then Kill!
Target: Lucie Lee
Assassin(s): Merc "Anime" Chasman
What happened:

Merc delivered a very well thought-out suicide bomb called the Light Sensor Bomb-in-a-Bomb (you gotta see tales of the dead!) to her fellow anime lover Lucie. That's okay; Anime loves Lucie.

I was contemplating eliminating the suicide bombing rule, disallowing them completely, but some people wanted to keep them and assured me that it could be done classily. This kill made suicides worth it for me.

Swamp would now have a comfortable lead if it weren't for Kdunck's undisputed wiliness, his two kills, and that silly master assassin rule, making the women's alley's lead quite tenuous.

Point Changes:

Swamp (+45):
   -2 (lame bomb)
   +20 (kill)
   +5 (style: Emotional roller-coaster. You da Bomb, Merc.)
   -2.5 (style: Incorrectly telling Lucie there was an Anime meeting, then as appreciation for her coming to campus, killing her. Not too classy.)

Shaft (+25):
    -5 (lack of paranoia)
    -15 (loss of target)

11-2-2002 (11:50pm):

Event: Failed Assassination Attempt
Target: Abby Elliott
Assassin(s): Kevin Duncklee
What happened:

I learned of Kdunck's misfortune in this reverse Dear Abby letter:

"Dear Arbitrat0r,
Last night a group of us were studying math at Shaft when Kdunck showed up, supposedly to hook up our internet in the bedrooms, Now, we'd been asking him to do this for weeks but he hadn't seemed interested. And now, one kill away from Master Assassinship, he was going to be poking around the bedrooms. Oh well, let him try; we could use another defused bomb. Sure enough, later that night, Maryam got the craving for a good short story. She went to my desk to look through the story collection I have to read for Lit 87, but when she picked the packet up, a shrill buzzing noise pierced the room! There was the infamous pressure-sensitive bomb, addressed to me. Score one for the joy of reading.

-Abby"

Point Changes:

Shaft (+5):
   +5 (defused bomb)

Off-Campus (+23):
    -5 (defused bomb)

Joy of Reading (0):
    +1 (enticing Maryam)

11-3-2002 (11:00pm):

Serina Diniega killed Jesse Liptrap at 10-31 at 8:00pm, but it was recently reported in full and your Arbit0r put it on just now. See Tales of the Dead for the story and scroll up a bit here for the score change.

Hey! Why is no one dying today?! Three extra points for the next kill.

11-4-2002 (12:05am):

Event: Kill
Target: Anne Rajala
Assassin(s): Tina Hsu and Mick Garvey
What happened:

Anne, the mega-paranoid third of the triplet, lasted an impressive 6 days. Alas, a foolhardy move brought death like a theif in the night. Tina had planted a Buzzer Bomb on her backpack during Out of Context practice. Mick weaseled his way on the note by threatening to disarm it-- a very crafty move.

The women's alley is charging ahead, with nearly every member an assassin. Great team effort! If each and every member gets part of a kill you'll get mega style points.

Point Changes:

Swamp (+68):
   +10 (kill)
   +1.5 (Perverse incentive of an hour ago.)

Vatican (-48.5):
   +10 (kill)
   +1.5 (Perverse incentive of an hour ago.)

Reichstag (+3):
    -15 (dispatched target)

11-4-2002 (3:30pm):

Event: Failure Even to Frighten
Target: Abby Elliott
Assassin(s): Kirsten Welge
What happened:

Abby, Luigi Celano, and Sandy Ottensmann, all from Shaft, were engaged with rapt attention in their Lord of the Rings board game in the lounge when archvillian Kirsten placed the only kind of bomb she has left (5 Pennies!) on Abby's back with a note. None of the Shafters noticed it was a bomb. In fact, Luigi even saw the change without seeing the note, and started stacking and otherwise playing with it. About ten minutes into this obliviousness, Kirsten gathered up her failed bomb and told the crowd what she had tried to pull.

Point Changes:

Shaft (+10):
   -5 (complete lack of paranoia)
   +3 (Heroic deeds done in zombie mode.)

Vatican (-36):
   -3 (stupid bomb-- Build some more, Kirsten! As Luigi says, "5 cents is too cheap a price to put on a human life")

11-6-2002 (12:20am):

Event: Kill
Target: Laika Romberg
Assassin(s): Sam Lindsay-Levine and Mick Garvey
What happened:

Much like last year, Mick and Sam, animal haters, killed off Womb's hairest resident, Laika. The bomb? A Huge Pole and Food Bomb, precariously set up to feed then kill their victim.

Vatican rockets out of last place as Womb takes its spot of shame.

Point Changes:

Vatican (-39):
   +20 (Kill!)

Womb (-15):
   -15 (put to sleep)

11-5-2002 (7:25pm):

Event: Failed Assassination Attempt
Target: Kevin Lui
Assassin(s): Kirsten Welge and Raman Shah
What happened:

Kevin, thinking he was bomb sweeping for alive alleymate Harlon, tripped a Noisemaker Bomb. Actually, the bomb just fell over without making the requisite Wa-wa-wa sound, so would-be assassins Kirsten and Raman failed miserably.

Point Changes:

Cannes (+7):
   -5 (lack of paranoia)

Hell (-5):
   -1 (lame bomb)

Vatican (-19):
   -1 (lame bomb)

11-6-2002 (11:20am):

Event: Kill
Target: Maki Hattori
Assassin(s): Michelle Swann
What happened:

Michelle propels Swamp way into the lead by exploding Maki in Electronic Monkey Sound Bomb.

Point Changes:

Swamp (+77):
   +20 (kill)

Off Campus (+18):
   -15 (goner)

11-6-2002 (3:20pm):

Event: Defused bomb and Kill
Target: James Mao
Assassin(s): Sarah Adams
What happened:

The Triple staked out Rudd target James as he suffered through Chem 3a. On his return he found Sarah's handiwork. First, windchimes conscientiously labelled, "Not bomb." Then he defused a Golf Balls Tied to the Mouse, which he defused. Lastly, he was overwhelmed by the Stench of Garlic Bomb. Technically, it sounds like the bomb didn't start emitting a "visual or audible" signal when he triggered it, but the spirit of the rules were satisfied, engaging his senses, and James did not question its effectiveness, so neither will your Arbit0r.

Point Changes:

Reichstag(-12):
   -5 (defused bomb)    +20 (kill)

Mao (+18):
   +5 (defusion)    -15 (dead)

11-6-2002 (6:00pm):

Event: Kill
Target: Mike Wilson
Assassin(s): Nick Piro and Eli Karpilovsky
What happened:

As Mike TAed CS1, fellow TA Eli had the perfect Scheme to bomb his brains out. Armed with an Altoid box filled with change bomb of Nick's creation, Eli planted it with explosive results.

Point Changes:

Off Campus (+3):
   +10 (kill)

Kremlin (-15):
   +10 (kill)

Avery (+8):
   -15 (blue-screened)

11-6-2002 (6:10pm):

Event: Failed Assassination Attempt
Target: Harlon Kadish
Assassin(s): Nick Piro
What happened:

Nick set an Altoids Box full of change Bomb precariously on Harlon's chair, but alleymate and fellow target Kevin Lui defused it easily. What works against Avery won't necessarily work against mighty Cannes. I think the key is to make one think he's defusing it for the other, but actually he's killing himself willingly.

Point Changes:

Cannes (+2):
   +5 (bomb defusion)

Kremlin (-5):
   -5 (defused bomb)

11-6-2002 (7:15pm):

Event: Kill
Target: Gazoz Hendrickson
Assassin(s): Andrea McColl and Random McColl
What happened:

Andrea trained for the moment with her cat Random, then used Random's catnip when the moment came. What moment? The precise time when Sarah and Brian had abandoned the cat Gazoz in favor of class. Andrea used a Catnip-in-a-Kleenex-tied-to-a-string-tied-to-a-cup-full-of-pennies-perched-on-the-edge-of-a-chair bomb to take out the target. Lo, today is a landmark day in the history of Alley Assassins. An entire alley (including pets!) has become murderers! And at the same time, this event manages to lure sleepy Pub out of its apathy to realize, "YES, there ARE people DYING all around you!"

Point Changes:

Swamp (+97):
   +20 (kill)
   +5 (style: Murderers! Every one of you!)

Pub (0):
   -15 (de-lifed)

11-8-2002 (1:20am):

Event: Kill
Target: Abby Elliott
Assassin(s): Kevin Duncklee
What happened:

On "routine internet connection work," Kdunck planted a thousands-of-corn-kernels-in-the-nightgown bomb for Abby to find.

Point Changes:

Shaft (+8):
   -15 (died)

Off Campus (+13):
   +20 (kill)
   +40 (Master Assassin)

11-8-2002 (10:30am):

Event: Failed Assassination Attempt
Target: Lillian Pan
Assassin(s): Jesse Liptrap and Matthew Ng
What happened:

Jesse and Matt taped a Box of Tic-Tacs Bomb to the bottom of Lillin's door. But she saw and defused it.

Point Changes:

Kremlin (-10):
   -5 (bomb defusion)

Tunnel (+20):
   +5 (defused bomb)

11-9-2002:

Event: Kill
Target: Steve Paik
Assassin(s): Christina Telles
What happened:

Christina sent a box to Copenhagen-bound Steve. The photo-album was clean, but there was a CD containing a surprising boom. I'll call it the Care Package...OF DEATH! Bomb.

Point Changes:

Swamp (+122):
   +20 (kill)

Steve Paik (0):
   -15 (dead)

11-11-2002 (6 am):

Event: Aborted Suicide Attempt
Target: Chris Moore
Assassin(s): Matt Wroten
What happened:

Chris awoke to a frightening sound: seemingly Handers coming to get him. But no, Chris recognized that it was the Cajun trying to get him to walk into a bomb. Eventually Matt gave up and took away the bomb. So this was a non-event, but it was at least as harassing as Andrea's October 30th shenanigans.

Point Changes:

Cannes (+7):
   -2 (harassment, Hand impersonations)

11-11-2002 (5:50pm):

Event: Kill
Target: Harlon Kadish
Assassin(s): Chris Moore and Kevin Peng
What happened:

After hyperspacing into Cannes 30 and taking the lock apart to discover the combo for later exploits, Chris and Kevin set a small, high-pitched Stereo Remote Bomb for Harlon to die by.

Point Changes:

Hell (-6):
   +20 (kill)

Cannes (+5):
   -15 (dead)

11-11-2002 (6:45pm):

Event: Failed Assassination Attempt
Target: Kevin Lui
Assassin(s): Chris Moore and Kevin Peng
What happened:

Roommate Bart saved the day by defusing a Light-powered Bulb Bomb meant for Kevin. Although they were successful only an hour before in killing Cannes denizen Harlon, this time Chris and Kevin are done-in by healthy paranoia.

Point Changes:

Hell (+14):
   -5 (bomb defusion)

Cannes (-10):
   +5 (defused bomb)

11-11-2002 (7:00pm):

Event: Failed Assassination Attempt
Target: Chris Moore
Assassin(s): Cannes Frosh
What happened:

The Hell-Cannes wars continue! Armed with the story that I wanted to see the bomb Chris used to kill Harlon, which Chris had already snatched back, Kevin Lui dropped by Chris's room and directed him to my room in Cannes. Bloodthirsty Eben Olsen set the bomb on the Cannes-Hell Bypass door, as watchman Bart MacGuyer staked out hyperspace. All the while, Harlon worked on his Phys quiz with his door open. :-) Digressions aside, Kevin Peng was present at Lui's invitation for Chris, so they both came down the bypass, and Kevin defused the trap, a Magnet Sensor Buzzer Bomb.

Point Changes:

Hell (+9):
   +5 (bomb defusion)
   +2 (I love Hell-Cannes rivalries)

Cannes (-5):
   -5 (defused bomb)
   +2 (I love Cannes-Hell rivalries)

11-11-2002 (10:30pm):

Event: Failed Assassination Attempt
Target: Michelle Swann
Assassin(s): Myra Sheikh
What happened:

Grace spotted a Jingly Heart Anklet Bomb attached to alleymate Michelle's door, and quickly defused the danger. It was from Myra.

Point Changes:

Hell (+16):
   -5 (bomb defusion)

Swamp (+142):
   +5 (defused bomb)

11-12-2002 (12:00am):

The game ends. Congratulations, Swamp. You've busted out of your stereotype as senior alley of bitterness and apathy. Particularly impressive was your full participation. Congrats, Kdunck, for being this game's only master assassin. Congrats, Vatican, for pulling out of your slump and at least beating Womb and Munth.

For the game I made a few rule changes and awarded style points to make the game more fun, to encourage cooler bombs, and to motivate people to play well. If you have feedback about that kind of stuff (in particular the controversial two-weeks-only decision I made), please email it to me at dfab@its.caltech.edu and I'll pass it along to next game's Arbit0r. (I guess we'll need a volunteer for that.)

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