For two weeks, this entry space has been filled with emptiness.
Ooh, that's *almost* a good starting sentence for a short story... except for the fact that it's not really... ;-)
Anywho, I posted a "new" entry on the 11th and then proceeded to write nothing. Silly me. I really did mean to start *something*. Can't remember if I got distracted or blocked or what. Not that it particularly matters at this point, two weeks later, as I have misplaced my time machine.
Sooo... starting somewhere...
Two weeks ago, I was doing pretty well, especially with work. Cranking out the hours, I found myself atop the nasties and 911 reports, finally catching up with Akbar's face parts, polishing off the newspaper Thursday evening, and generally wondering what to do with my time. So of course I asked my boss for more.
Whups.
Over the course of the week, I volunteered to draw up the new site tour... to gather up all the submissions for the Regina Poster contest (which eventually amounted to 80+ entries of anything from text to bmp's)... to gather up new MIDIs for the Whyville Prom on the 25th... and to research vitamin deficiencies for our upcoming uber-activity, Nutrition. Not to mention my usual workload.
And so, this past week, I dragged my feet. All that responsibility crushed me down... I bit off WAY more than I could reasonably chew, while simultaneously events in my personal life tanked my motivation and focus. And the longer I delayed, the more nasties I needed to catch up on, the harder it would be to publish a new paper on time, etc ad nauseum. Blecch.
Long story short (oh no, too late!), I got the paper done (about 30 articles and 10 images) at 8am on Friday. And suddenly and simply, I was... okay. I'd been wringing my hands and feeling crappy all week, and then suddenly I couldn't really remember why.
Manic depression, here I come?
Probably not. But it seemed odd, going from depressive can't-lift-my-head to uh-why-was-I-bitching-and-moaning-again?
One of life's mysteries, I imagine.
On to more interesting topics, perhaps. Cross your fingers.
Time to look a little higher. Plan a little bigger. Next week's not enough for me anymore. I think. ;-)
Another boost in ye olde mood -- Evan approached me yesterday about my seeming to be avoiding him... he wanted to know if we were okay or what. So finally I unburdened myself about my fears of his taking over the band and driving it with Patty towards a repertoire I didn't want. And somewhere in there he and I came to a better understanding. Yay!
Ev said, basically, that he *wants* to do the music I described... but he doesn't *know* any of it. He only occasionally hears it on the radio, but doesn't own mp3's or CD's of any of it.
Ohhh, I said. Is that all?
I also played him some Linkin Park, which he was actually highly positive about, noting the spiralmouth qualities and parts that could be added vocally... all in all, it was a nice talk. I have really got to stop worrying that he won't understand my concerns.
I think my worries stem from Ev being frustrated when I turn rehearsal time into a bitch session slash discussion. That's singing time, to him. Plenty of time on other days to discuss and debate *my* version of music theory. I think I can deal with that.
All rightee then.
Oh, by the way, my hair is purple now.
:)
A gorgeous, incredible, vibrantly dark and deadly purple. Hee-hee.
Narcissus, thy name is purple-head!
Brand: Special Effects
Color: Deep Purple
Two warnings: one, be careful when buying hair dye. Make sure it's *not* a "shampoo" that simply supposed to "support" your color. It will not add an ounce of color to even fully bleached hair.
And two, be prepared, especially if you get a red dye from Special Effects, to have your head GUSH frighteningly bright colors the minute you first put it under a shower. The first time I dyed my hair, I left the color in overnight, and the rinse-out scarcely turned anything pink. This time, I left it in 20 minutes, and left the shower walls a shocking purple when I was (mostly) done thirty minutes later. It hadn't fully rinsed out yet, but I had to get to auditions ASAP. Whee!
(By the way, Comet's great for getting the dye out of tile and bathtub.)
Anywho, I very much like the purple. The other cool thing is, only half the bottle covered all my hair, unlike the bottle of Punky color, which only got half my hair. We'll see how long this lasts, though. The Punky lasted a *long* time. And it was pretty, if not quite as purple as advertised.
Howen was in town this weekend. It was good to see him, not the least because my man gives good advice. Now we'll see if I have any ability to follow good advice.
I'm looking forward to the summer. I should be able to finally pay back my debt to Scott, for one thing. I also want to re-imagine my wardrobe.
Lately this seems to be a big deal for me. Why have I been getting so concerned about my appearance? I assume it's a good thing -- it's not so much worrying as looking forward to something. Mom would be glad to hear it, she'd say it shows I care what other people think of me and that that's good.
Not a lesson I learned as a kid, though. I don't particularly care for that philosophy. I think I just want to find myself asthetically pleasing. Something like that. Still thinking about it.
In any case.... This summer. A time of change. Growing up? Growing into something? Not sure. Hoping so.
I feel like I've been pressed to my knees for the past five years. Maybe I'm finally standing up. Or maybe it's all superficial improvements. That's the part that bothers me about this clothing/appearance thing. But if nothing else, it should help "the look" of the band. Maybe that's all I want. Mmm... no, probably not all. We'll see.
Standing up. Out of debt. Whyville looking like it'll survive long enough that maybe I can stop living in the fear of losing my job and my company, both dissolving into next week. Fear gone. Aw yeah.
The band finally having everyone. Starting to sing real repertoire, really experiment with stuff. Coming soon. Aw yeah.
Back to being an artist. Back to being a man, instead of an intermediary between school, work, money, and bills.
Aw yeah.