Damn and blast insomnia. My body aches, rivers of pain and lame metaphors running up and down my thighs and other interesting bits, dragging my brain along the coast until we reach that eternally empty ocean of dreams. Empty for the sleepless, at least.
My brain is on fire, my mind bemired and only half bemused. I have hopeful plans for today -- wishes for work and longings for later -- all poorly put off or something like that by my enduring nocturnal agony.
Complain, complain. I wonder if it's all I'm suited to write about. I note that the well dried up when things got interesting -- and then not so very -- with Lisa. Nothing to complain about?
Nah, the forum's just too public, these days. And I wasn't in the mood to be consulted or cajoled or even, or sort of, commisserated with. Resolution was my task. Understanding it, oddly enough, didn't take writing out. Sometimes it does.
Bah. There's no resolution, not really. Just mockingly making up my meanings, or alliterations or something like that.
a;lskdjfashml apvacvy
So there. Damn I'm tired.
Band finally has a name: Social Experiment. I like it. I have been told, numerous times by one or two sources, that it's not as popular as could have been hoped, but on the other hand, Chris Kurtz likes it, so what more could one want? ;-) Anywho, it makes bandmembers happy, and that is a Good Thing.
We're mostly recorded with Heartbreaker, and have begun the basics for Cherry Pie. Damn, but it takes a lot of work to play full-time producer for all these kids. Some day I'll find me a fully-motivated group of Artists who tell *me* they don't want to, they can't stop working. Ha!
Too tired. Christ's sake. Insomnia has me by the cojones but good this month. Hasn't been this bad in many years. And I don't seem to have an excuse, except maybe extreme physical exertion. Fencing too hard.
Man my buns hurt. :-P
My brain hurts. My to do list is too do long. Er, something. Just not working enough hours in the day. I want to have too much fun, not enough money.
God, I simply cannot motivate myself with money. Ooh, ten more bucks. Oooh.
It's kinda scary how little that motivates me. And kinda cool, I guess.
Maybe I should update the band page. Still needs the name change. Certainly needs a full-on overhaul. If Ev doesn't do it soon, I'll go ahead and get artistic. Grrr.
I'm supposed to *actually* hang out with Sangeeta tonight. If my body weren't still cramping from fencing ten hours ago, I'd swear that was the trouble I'm having with sleeping. True, I haven't a clue what the evening has in store for me. A couple of daydreams, all tinged with bright shadows of unreality, but Sangeeta just exudes enigmaticness, most of the time. An only slightly intriguing characteristic -- more often distancing than attracting, really. It's the glimpses of the fire inside that have kept me rowing towards her shore, her flickering, half-transparent light.
Mirage?
Or is the flavor a little more friendly and less romantically? *shrug* I'm almost clueless now, and a part of me mutters knowledgably that I will continue to be about as clueless after this evening is said and done. Who knows?
I do know I need to get some lotion -- debating on something actually massage-ee or more of a skin lotion type item. Don't want to cross any lines uncomfortably for anyone.
Some days I worry about being good, being right, too much.
Bah. That's me.
YAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWNNNNNN...
Ah, I wonder............