dstaff: There's a rubber mallot and a hack saw in the tools bench in our computer lab.
somers: Didn't some IBM computer manual say somethign specific about hammers?
dstaff:: Yes. It said not to use them, I believe. But we arn't IBM.

David: There are other things in that general vicinity which she would play with; the underwear is a good first line of defence.

dstaff: Jaap, why arn't you a UGCS sysadmin?
jaap: Because I know better.

Jane: I was apologizing a bit to the saleslady for Tim and I arguing. Then tim interjected that we wern't dating, just roommates, then the lady said, "Oh, I thought you were married."

Bender: "I was God once."
God: "Yes, I saw. you were doing okay until everybody died."

"You are a constant annoyance to me, but only because you're right more often than you are wrong."

"I don't agree with what you say, but I will defend to the death, yor rigth to say it. Then I will tell you that you are wrong."

No one wants to learn from mistakes.
Because you have to make mistakes in order to learn from them. [ed]

One day the King decided that he would force all his subjects to tell the truth. A gallows was erected in front of the city gates. A herald announced, "Whoever would enter the city must first answer the truth to a question which will be put to him." Nasrudin was first in line. The captain of the guard asked him, "Where are you going? Tell the truth -- the alternative is death by hanging." "I am going," said Nasrudin, "to be hanged on that gallows." "I don't believe you." "Very well, if I have told a lie, then hang me!" "But that would make it the truth!" "Exactly," said Nasrudin, "your truth."

Signs your level of disorginization is dangerous: You're uncertain which papers are stained with food oils and which are stained with machine oils.

Elaine: You should really be a vampire.
David: Do you really want to be dating a vampire?
Elaine: For Halloween, dear.

Adam: Wow, you've created whole new categories of entendre in the words "lower case."