1995.05/28 Direction Acquisition
EXCERPTED FROM MESSAGE TO JUSTIN LAWYER
>>>
So what do you plan on doing when you quit? Full time loan brokering?
And when do you plan on returning to school? MIT?
<<<
It depends on what I can find. The fallback plan is to go to Tech and do some
research; hopefully I can find someone who will pay me to do it! The best
option for the summer is to get into the IDA summer program, but I don't think
it will pan out. First, I told them before I wouldn't make it this summer;
second, I don't think my security check will go through by then. Sigh. At
least everything should be set for next summer...
As for returning to school, that is also in a state of flux. I am currently
applying for a Graduate Assistantship in Areas of National Need (GAANN)
Fellowship in High Performance Computations and Communications (HPCC) at Old
Dominion University (ODU) for this fall. There are essentially immediate
openings, and it's the only opportunity I am aware of for instant entry into
grad school.
If that doesn't work out (I might get it and decide not to accept, depending
on other factors) then no biggy, I'll simply make the round of grad school
applications next year as I had originally planned. The trick then would be
to keep myself occupied until next year with something to do. I'd have the
entire summer to look for leads, so I'm thinking I could probably dig
something up.
>>>
I'm just learning it myself. I think my whole decision to come to San Diego
was based on fleeing. There are some things I really like (area, outdoors,
people,...), but I have yet to pick an advisor, and I think it's pretty much
because I still can't commit to this place. Like I would just be coasting...
So in some respects, I empathize. I'm still learning things I find interesting
but I haven't found something I can call my own yet... I'm getting closer,
though...
<<<
I had a very revealing talk with Dr. McEliece about a month ago. I told him
that, despite the fact that I had a great job it wasn't terribly satisfying.
I then said that I was committed to going to grad school (next fall). He
asked me what in, and I said "it doesn't matter, as long as it was
interesting." He suggested that I should probably know what I want to do
before I started. It would increase my chances of getting in someplace, and
would make the experience more profitable to me if I had a goal.
I've been thinking about that conversation long and hard over the last week or
so. Dr. McEliece essentially reminded me of something which I knew long ago,
which was "know where you are headed before you start going anywhere." Over
the last year I'd rather forgotten that. Certainly I was progressing in my
job here... but to what end? It's not like I intended to stay here or make a
career out of what I am currently doing.
Further, my statements were equally revealing. They reflected the fact that I
recognized that I wasn't where I wanted to be, but that I did not yet know
exactly where I wanted to be heading. This is the first time in my life I
really haven't had a definite direction. The frightening part was that I
hadn't noticed that until just recently... and I have probably been coasting
for several months.
Anyway, I think the passage from Carroll sums it up nicely:
"Excuse me, sir. Could you tell me which direction I should go to get away
from here?" said Alice.
"Where do you want to go?" said the Cat.
"Anyplace is fi-"
"Then it doesn't matter which way you go!"
>>>
Classes: DSP, Numerical PDE's, Optoelectronics (modulators & crystals).
The applications of DSP are cool, something I wouldn't mind puttsing in, but
I don't think it is my "one and only". NPDE class is cool. It's a big field
and non-trivial but pretty cool. Optoelectronics: I like the teacher and
doing the problems (sounds sick, huh?), so it's making me think, but the guy
already has 12 grad students and 2 companies. It probably wouldn't be bad,
as long as it was with something I wanted to do. He also encourages
independence, which I like...
<<<
Of course, that's probably because he doesn't have time for everyone... :-)
>>>
No orals 'til next year. This school is strange. Actually, they want me to
do some research (at least 2 quarters), then take a prelim research exam plus
oral exam over subject knowledge and 2 sequences. Probably not a bad setup
but it stretches things out. So I need to get my butt in gear and find a
prof to work with this summer to get started on the research bit...
<<<
Any research ideas kicking around in your head yearning to burst free?
>>>
It was good to hear from you. I have felt the same thing about the momentum
bit. Next year (in the fall) I'm going to apply for some other schools and
see where I get in. If I get into a good department at a good school, I'll
grab the masters and go. Otherwise, I'll be staying down here. Any
suggestions
as to how I can get good letters of reccomendations down here w/o destroying my
chances of staying if I don't get accepted where I want to go?
<<<
Once again, I think it is a question of direction. If you have a *definite*
research / career goal in mind, which either a) cannot be fulfilled at UCSD or
b) would be much better served at another university, then tell people that.
It would not only be the truth but also something they could empathise
with. (BTW, you can probably still get some recommendations from some Tech
profs.)
However, if your reason for changing would be to get a "better name" school,
I'd strongly advise against moving in the first place. First, the incremental
benefit for the trouble it is worth seems about equal in my mind. Second,
assuming you still don't know what you want to do, then you would be just as
lost at another school (which, if 'better', would likely be less forgiving).
Third, assuming you *did* know exactly where you were headed, you can probably
find it at UCSD or you fall into the case above.
In other words, I wholeheartedly agree with Dr. McEliece. It serves no
purpose to "fish around" for graduate schools if you don't know what you want
to do once you get there. You can also make the negative statement; it wastes
not only your time but also other people's time to do so. Don't run from
where you are because it's bad unless you are definitely headed someplace
better.
Rather than switch schools, perhaps taking some time off would be the optimal
solution. You know, I have tinted my time here at Oracle in a negative light,
but it has definitely served its original purpose. After Caltech I was
somewhat burnt out on the whole school schtick, and needed some time to
recuperate and regroup. I originally thought that I would need two years in
order to do it... in some sense, this "time-off" has been more therapeutic
that I estimated! Another benefit is that I think I have formed a much better
picture of what I want to be doing research-wise than I might have had coming
directly out of school (or even a year in grad school).
So, if you need time to straighten out what you want to do with your life,
then take time you need! I'll bet you can take a 1-year leave of absence just
like that. During that year, you could work, bum around, do whatever. If you
don't want to 'waste' the year in that fashion, you could apply for a travel
grant, overseas scholarships, etc. Maybe you could even go on another
mission! The opportunities are endless, once you know what you want to do.
Furthermore, everybody (including your profs!) can empathise with this.
Suppose you told your profs, "Look, I don't really know what my precise
direction is right now and I think I should take a year off to decide. I
think it would be a good thing for everybody if I knew where I was going."
Their probably response would be, "I think that's a very mature decision.
Have you thought about doing..." and one of them might suggest some kick butt
option you hadn't even heard of before!
Essence: Don't run from places, run to them.
>>>
Take care, and talk to you soon...
-Justin
p.s. Thought you might like to try a few web sites:
United Media: http://www.unitedmedia.com/UM_home.html (has the Dilbert
home page, as well as a bunch of other comic strips...)
So Cal Traffic Report:
http://www.scubed.com:8001/caltrans/transnet.html
IR Satellite Weather map:
gopher://wx.atmos.uiuc.edu/11/Images/Satellite%20Images/Satellite%20West%20IR
I've got some other cool ones - Let me know if you're interested...
<<<
Dude, the united media sight is hilarious! The other stuff is pretty cool as
well... all in all, the primary reason I've stayed away from the Web this
long. You could loose yourself in all the neat stuff out there...
>>>
p.p.s. I'm out of debt! Now I'm saving for a bike and computer, as well as
starting a savings plan for my ultimate goal: A down payment for a house!
<<<
Wheelah! Out of debt already! I still have mounds of credit card / school
loan type debt lying around... though I've chipped away at it, there is still
quite a bit left.
Hmm... you know, considering that I am about to enter into uncertain
financial territory, I could sell you my bike and/or computer. The bike is a
hybrid mountain/racing bike I got about 9 months ago, which I've used for
about 4 months (we had a long rainy season up here during which I did not ride
it). The computer is a PC decked to the balls which I got six months ago:
Intel 486 DX2 66 VLB (ZIF socket)
* 16M RAM to 64; 1.08G Western Digital Caviar HD (on VLB controller)
^^^ That's right, that's the memory I bought from you!
* 17" Viewsonic 17 Monitor; 64 bit Orchid Kelvin 2M (on VLB)
* x2 Mitsumi CD-ROM, Sound Blaster 16 MCD
* 250M Conner TBU (plus I'll throw in 3 tapes)
* 28.8i Supra FAX / Modem, upgradeable DSP
* Focus 2001 Keyboard, Logitech 3-button Mouse, etc.
* All original diskettes, manuals, etc. Still under warranty.
* A *ton* of software/games already loaded, Linux already setup, etc.
Sales price(s): Bike $200, Computer $2,600. Financing available. :-) The
same bike new would cost around $300; the same computer new would be
$2,850+tax (but it wouldn't come with all the neat software...) Let me know
if you are interested...
So your ultimate goal is to buy a house! Hmm... I would have thought it was
something like "go forth and multiply" or somesuch... Speaking of which,
what's the current babe scenario?
--
Kim E. Lumbard
_____________________________________________________________________________
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