1997.10/10 Update

Wowsers.  A lot of stuff has occured this last year.  Each topic in and of
itself deserves a full exposition, but for the nonce I will do an overview... 

CFS (CHRONIC FATIGUE SYNDROME)

In February I fell prey to a debilitating illness called Chronic Fatigue
Syndrome.  It was initially diagnosed as Chronic Epstein-Barr Syndrome, but I
have since discovered that they are different names for the same thing.  CFS
is the term for the 90s; CEB was the term in the 80s; myalgic encephelitis
was the term in the 70s, etc.  Each decade seems to evolve its own sexy name
for the same condition. 

Regardless of what it is called, it has been seriously hosing my life for the
last several months.  The latter half of last (academic) year I was pretty
much useless, even to the point where I could not maintain my duties as a
teaching assistant.  Things were much better over the summer; while I had an
episode, it was mild compared to the previously enervating attacks.  

Unfortunately, I do not know whether things became better because 1) they are
getting better or 2) of the change in environment.  If I have a debilitating
episode similar to the ones last year, then I am going to have to seriously
reconsider whether I can continue my graduate studies here at Caltech.  If it
is this lifestyle which is exacerbating the condition then I will have to
also consider whether I can continue my studies at all, even though prior to
this a life in academia was exactly what I wanted.

INCARNATION 18

Despite fumbling the ball bigtime academically my first year, I was able to
accomplish something of import under the pall of CFS.  Namely, the most
comprehensive and daring Incarnation Change to date.  Of course, someday I'll
have to explain exactly what I mean by an Incarnation, but for simplicity
think of it as "new me".  One Incarnation fathers another, and then gives
birth to it by relinquishing control to the new psyche.

The three main changes in Incarnation 18:
  1) An acceptance of power.  My younger self was gravely concerned with his
burgeoning skills, the corresponding hubris, and the increased potential for
harming others.  He therefore sought to limit, humble, and constrain himself
in a variety of ways.  One method was to split his skills into isolated
regimes, so that they would each grow separately and slowly.  In Incarnation
18 these barriers have been removed, as I have accepted the full range of my
talents.
  2) A release from Covenants.  The Covenants are essentially restraints I
placed against myself as a child, intended to prevent me from harming others
or taking advantage of them.  However, over many years they had evolved into
a crippling set of limitations, which prevented me from growing by bringing
me to a harmless stasis.  Only two Covenants were retained.
  3) A reconnection to my emotions.  Highly charged emotion has a great
potential to indiscriminately harm others, and thus my earlier selves strove
to keep their strong emotions in check.  However, at the same fell swoop I
dimished my passions and zest for life; more poetically, by rejecting hate I
denied love as well.  I am now committed to living a more passionate life,
even if this might lead to others coming to harm.

On the first reading these changes might not seem like such a good idea,
since they seem predicated on increasing my capability for harming others.
While a close side effect, this is not precisely the intent.  My earlier
Incarnations were pathologically dedicated to preventing harm to others, and
thus they eliminated the *potential* of hurting people.  At the same time,
they also excluded the possibility for a successful, growing, passionate
life.  I have decided that these latter qualities are important enough to
warrant allowing potential harm once again.  I still strive to avoid doing
harm to others, but I must allow myself the possibility of doing so.

PAL (A PRACTICAL APPROACH TO LIVING)

If the above didn't make too much sense, don't worry.  I have decided that I
should write down my observations and ideas in a clear exposition.  The
intent of this work would be to give people a compendium of tools on how to
live a better life, predicated on a highly empirical approach.  In essence, I
want to write a Practical Approach To Living, a reference which people could
use to improve the quality of their lives.

Over the years I've served as father-confessor to various people.  About 90%
of the problems people come to me with were variants of the same one
(something I call 'subjective discordance') and they were all soluble with
the same tool.  A major portion of the PAL would be dedicated to describing
the manner in which subjective discordance arises, how to identify it, and
the various approaches to alleviating it.

People who are good problem solvers still have difficulties, and once again
90% of them have the same stumbling block: choice.  People need meaning in
their lives, and they often don't realize that they can imbue their lives
with purpose simply by choosing to do so.  Another major segment of the PAL
would discuss how to make decision, the consequences of choice, and its
connection to other important aspects of personality.  

The next major section of the book would be devoted to relationships.
There are numerous confounds to a healthy relationship, but the common
pitfalls revolve around expectations.  This ranges from people assuming
others are like them (and thus expecting they will act a certain way) to
people expecting others to act in a certain fashion without ever clearly
communicating the desire.

A bunch of other stuff also gets tossed into the pot.  General observations
about how people act.  Unconnected treatises on life, and different ways of
viewing reality.  The tradeoff between investment and consumption.
Generative cycles.  Incarnations and change.  Different types of
responsibility.  etc.

LASIK (LASER ASSISTED IN-SITU KERATOMILEUSIS)

As part of my overall plan to improve my corporeal form, in June I underwent
am eye surgery called LASIK.  There are several corrective eye options
currently available: 

RK (Radial Keratotomy) 
  Basically making radial incisions in the eye to flatten the central cornea

AK (Astigmatic Keratotomy)
  A variant of RK which makes arc-like incisions to reshape the cornea

LK (Lamellar Keratoplasty)
  A thin flap of the cornea is peeled back, the interior of the cornea is
sculpted, and then the cap is replaced

PRK (Photo-Refractive Keratotomy)
  A cold excimer laser is used to reshape the surface of the cornea

LASIK (Laser Assisted In-Situ Keratomileusis)
  A combination of LK and PRK, i.e. a flap is made, the interior surface is
lased, and then the cap is replaced

My personal opinion is that LASIK is the way to go, mainly because it has the
highest success rate, a smaller set of possible complications, and about a
two day recovery time.  Right now my eyes are about 20:50 / 20:30; within the
next couple months I will undergo a touchup which should bring my vision to
near 20:20.