2006.04/24 Tale Of Two Burgers

EXCERPTED FROM LIVEJOURNAL

This was the kind of amazing day that makes cross country trips worthwhile. 
There's way too much to describe, here are some of the highlights: 
*) A once in a lifetime multi-storm. It started as rain, became a flurry of
   snow, turned into fine-misted hail, changed into a scirocco, abeyed for
   the sun, and then returned with a foggy vengeance. This was without doubt
   my "meteorogical disturbance". 
*) Crossed the Continental Divide and made a short video commemorating the
   event. I think you'll like it... it's been two months in the making. ;-) 
*) Tried unsuccessfully to calm down a Super 8 manager that was yelling at
   me, and then was forced to leave to find another hotel. 
*) Created a new version of "We, The People" of SchoolHouse Rock fame that
   Nikki French would be proud of. 

There's one part of the day that I simply have to tell you about. I stopped
in a Pilot travel center outside Laramie that had an attached
Wendy's. Normally I drive through but this Wendy's (uncharacteristically)
didn't seem to have one, so I parked and went inside. As I went to the
bathroom to wash my hands, this is what I heard over the loudspeaker: 

"Let me tell you a tale of two burgers.
Raised from birth together in the same cow
The two always assumed they'd be together
Maybe even get married and have some junior burgers of their own

But now they might be separated...
Unless you come and buy a combo meal now!
With every combo meal purchase you get a second burger for free!
Don't be the one to break up this beefy family...

Besides, we have to throw away whatever we don't give away
You don't want that type of waste on your conscience, do you?
Come! Indulge your appetite and keep our families united!"

I chuckled heartily and went to the register, where Josh (the guy on the
loudspeaker) greeted me with: "Sorry, we're closed." Pause. "Wait, give me
two seconds..." Raises his hands to the sky in supplication.  "Bzzz... 
bzzzz...  okay, I've just received word that we are now open again!" at which
point I laughed my arse off.  

But then it gets better. We're the only ones at the counter, so we strike up
a zany conversation. Neither of us mentions anything about ordering, though
we both feel the urge to. At a certain point it becomes a game of who will
blink first and slip into "ordering mode". So we chat. For an hour. And have
a rip-roaring knee-slapping grand old good time. 

Eventually another customer comes in and Josh says regretfully, "I'm sorry to
have to ask this but..." 

"No, please," I interrupt, "Don't ruin the moment. You know, I've had that
same problem with philleys in the past. They get really spicy on me and then
end up chickening out near the end." 

Josh picked up on the game immediately. "Ooooh, was it was because you wanted
a kinky combo with them?" 

"No, I'm not interested in threesomes. Now, smearing some extra mayonnaise
all over their bodies and licking it off, that's another matter. I think it
was because they couldn't handle my (ahem) you know. They think it's a small
fry but then it ends up being a biggie." 

"A great biggie," Josh asked looking at my groin, "or just a biggie?"

"In all honesty it's just a biggie," I replied, shifting my package around,
"but it's still too much for some women." 

"Are you sure that you're going to be satisfied with just one philley then?
Because I've heard when you get some tall drinks they'll invite a hot fresh
piece of meat friend over for free. That's a pretty appetizing deal for most
men." 

"True, but I'm not most men. One philley is enough for me, as long as she's
the right one. And I don't want to be a full-of sugar-daddy for multiple
women... it's hard enough feeding just one." 

The customer behind me was perplexed to say the least. ;-)

Oh, and since I'm certain that someone will ask: yes, I have already seen a
naked female. But I also have four more days on the trip, so it remains to be
seen whether she will be the only one... :-p