Quotes

These are some quotes that I have picked up from reading and life

Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that people who have the most live the longest.

- Reveredn Larry Lorenzoni

No one over thirty-five is worth meeting who has not something to teach us, something more than we could learn by ourselves, from a book.

- Cyril Connolly

Old age isn't so bad when you consider the alternative.

- Maurice Chavlier

Committee - a group of people who individually can do nothing but as a group decide that nothing can be done

- Fred Allen

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent

- Eleanor Roosevelt

Character is not made in a crisis - it is only exhibited

- Robert Freeman

Make the most of yourself for that is all there is of you

- Ralph Waldo Emerson

USA Today has come out with a new survey - appartenly three out of every four people make up 75% of the population

- David Letterman

Whenever ideas are shared, the result is always greater than the sum of the parts

- Rich Willis

The trouble with the rat race is that even when ou win, you're still a rat

- Lily Tomlin

Some succeed because they are destined to, but most succeed because they are determined to.

- Unknown

A good sense of humor is essential to deal with the world's reality

- Anonymous

I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.

- Douglass Adams

The smallest good deed is better than the grandest good intention

- Duguet

Solutions are not the answer

- Richard Nixon

I was squatting in the bushes with the last of the confetti they call toilet paper in Peru. The local pigs had just demonstrated to me, in the most concrete manner, that they would eat anything. Not only that, but they seemed to prefer it directly from the horse's mouth, as it were. For this reason, I was clutching a long sturdy stick, the better to crack the porcine bastards as they made their move. So they milled about, just out of range, squealing and grunting and fixing me in their beady little hungry pink eyes. Not an auspicious start for an expedition of discovery.

- Tim Cahill

There is no pleasure worth forgoing just for an extra 3 years in the geriatric ward.

- John Mortimer

This morning I shot six holes in my freezer. I think I've got cabin fever.

- Jimmy Buffet

A room without books is like a body without a soul.

- Cicero

Fact: More people are killed each year by teddy bears than by grizzly bears.

- Laura Lee

A sweet thank you to Mr Baskins and Mr Robbins for giving me something new to hope for and delight in every month.

- Mary Gibson

I do what I do...without hope of reward or punishment. I do not require heaven or hell to bribe or scare me into acting decently.

- Maria Doria Russell

He is too fond of books and it has turned his brains.

- Lousia May Alcott

At this pont it is appropriate to address a question that we've all probably asked ourselves at one time or another. Just how long is a barnacle's penis?

- David Quommon

Can a hearst carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?

- Unknown

Vegetarians are the enemy of everything good and decent in the human spirit, an affront to all I stand for, the pure enjoyment of food.

- Anthony Bourdain

God grant me the SERENITY to accept the things I cannot change, the COURAGE to change the things I can, and the WISDOM to know the difference.

- Serenity Prayer

To live is to be marked. To live is to change, to die one hundred deaths.

- unknown

I believe God felt sorry for the Africans after putting the coconut so far out of reach and aimed to make the mango easier to get a hand on.

- Barbara Kingsolver

[Webster Thayer] told the jury, "This man, although he may not have actually committed the crime attributed to him is nevertheless morally culpable, because he is an enemy of our existing institutions."

- Kurt Vonnegurt

God abhors a naked singularity.

- Stephen Hawking

We Christians have our own system of marriage and it is called MONOTONY.

- Barbara Kingsolver

Yolanda sees herself as they will, shabby in a black cotton skirt and jersey top, sandals on her feet, her wild black hair held back with a hair band. Like a missionary, her cousins will say, like one of those Peace Corps girls who have let themselves go so as to do dubious good in the world.

- Julia Alvarez

When the famous Dr Johnson was told of Berkeley's opinion he cried, "I refute it thus!" and he stubbed his toe on a large stone.

- Stephen Hawking

While home is the place where you can relax and be yourself, this doesn't mean that you can take advantage of the love and affection other members of your family have for you.

- Lessenberry DD

Every man is a damn fool for at least five minutes every day, wisdom consists of not exceeding the limits.

- Elbert Hubbard,
Philosopher

Every night at lights out, a session began in the darkness, a therapy session, a jam session, a hoedown, a prayer meeting, a Pentecostal confessional, a tribal rumbal, a shriek into the void, a wailing for that which never was and that which never would be,a lamentation concerning Fate...every night it took place, in the darkness, over the wire.

- Tom Wolfe

If you find yourself cursed by a small Taboo idol, return that idol to the ancient burial grounds. Its the only way.

- Anthony Rubino, Jr

Patriotism is not necessarily defined as blind devotion to a president's particular agenda - and that to dispute a presidential policy is not necessarily anti-American.

- John Irving

In the beginner's mind there are many possibilities. In the expert's mind there are few.

- Zen Masters

Being lectured by the president on fiscal responsibility is a little bit like Tony Soprano talking to me about law and order in this country.

- US presidential hopeful John Kerry
in the final presidential debate.

The function of freedom is to free someone else.

- Toni Morrison

I didn't want to do anything rash.

- Canadian Raymond Sobeski who waited nearly a year
to claim a $23 million lottery prize

I should have picked it up on the final proofreading stage, but unfortunately it slipped through.

- Guy Prooter, editor of Trail,
on the hiking magazine's publishing a route that,
if followed, would have led readers straight
off a cliff on Britain's tallest mountain, Ben Nevis.

With every piece of flesh I ate I remembered him...It was like taking communion.

- Self-confessed German cannibal Arwin Meiwes,
on eating 44 pounds of human flesh.

Britney was absolutely devastated when I told her.

- Actress Taryn Manning,
on breaking the news to pal Brtiney Spears
that the Japanese symbols tattoed on her hipbone
were meaning less giberish.

Since I have become a central banker, I have learned to mumble with great incoherence.

-Alan Greenspan

Obscenity loses its power if it becomes commonplace. Swear sparingly.

- unknown

You must change your life.

- Rainer Maria Rilke

I didn't know about them, but I was hoping the people of the world might be united by something more interesting, like drugs or an armed struggle against the undead. Unfortunately, my father's team won, so computers it is. My only regret is that this had to happen during my lifetime.

- David Sedaris

Sir, you interpose conditions that make no sense in this patr of the north. I would accept a push from a crippled old woman if it would enable me to complete a difficult journey.

- James Michener

What can you say about the family who is suing the railroad after their drunk son was killed walking on the tracks? Trains don't normally sneak up on people. Unless they've derailed, you pretty much know where to find them.

- David Sedaris

Nothing demotivates people more than lack of challenge.

- Steve Brown

That night, I got drunk and stabbed a clothes drier with a Bowie knife. I didn´t like the way it was looking at me.

- TS Cook

I have noticed that the people who are late are often jollier than the people who have to wait for them.

- E.V. Lucas

War is God's way of teaching Americans geography.

-Ambrose Bierce

Death is the black backing on the mirror that allows us to see anything at all.

-Saul Bellow

As Bush has proven twice, it really doesn't matter id half the country can't stand you. You only need half the country, or thereabouts to give the other half a nasty shock.

-William Falk, The Week

At the frontier of the skin no dogs patrol.
At the frontier of the skin,
Where I end and you begin,
Where I cross from sin to sin,
Abandon hope and enter in,
And lose my soul.
At the frontier of the skin no guards patrol.

At the frontier of the skin mad dogs patrol.
At the frontier of the skin,
Where they kill to keep you in,
Where you must not slip your skin,
or change your role,
You can't pass out I can't pass in,
You must end ans you begin,
Or lose your soul.
At the frontier of the skin armed guards patrol.

-Salmon Rushdie

Everyday the opportunity exists to change your life. But most days, the idea of having to change the big things in life just seems like too much work. Should I lie on the couch and watch a movie, or shuld I confront my personal demons?

-Jill A Davis

The World requires at least ten years to understand a new idea, however important or simple it may be.

-Sir Ronald Ross

The United States, and increasingly unequal society whose domestic politics reflect an enduring religious heritage and a penchant for moral assertiveness, looks out on the world and longs for a decisive resolution.

-Tony Judt, Newsweek

Murphy's Laws of Peace Corps Development Projects
1. After things have gone from bad to worse, the cycle will repeat itself.
2. No matter what goes wrong, there is always somebody who knew it would.
3. Complex problems have simple, easy-to-understand wrong answers.
4. In order for something to become clean something else must become dirty...but you can get everything dirty without getting anything clean.
5. If you don't care where you are, you aren't lost.
6. A crisis is when you can't say, "Let's forget the whole thing."
7. If a situation requires undivided attention, it will occur simultaneously with a compelling distraction.
8. For every action there is an equal and opposite criticism.
9. The greater the cost of putting a plan into operation the less chance there is of abandoning the plan - even if it subsequently becomes irrelevant.
10. The chances of anybody doing anything are inversely proportional to the number of other people who are in a position to do it.
11. Assumption is the mother of all screw-ups.
12. The more carefully you plan a project, the more confusion there is when something goes wrong.
12. Any technical problem can be overcome given enough time and money.
13. You are never given enough time or money.
14. An expert is anyone from out of town.
15. Indecision is the basis for flexibility.
16. If you have a difficult task, give it to a lazy man, he will find an easier way to do it.
17. Every great idea has a disadvantage equal to or exceeding the greatness of the idea.
18. Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity.
19. If several things that could have gone wrong have not gone wrong, it would have been ultimately benificial for them to have gone wrong.

- Christina Crow