Welcome to the homepage of Herdmaster Rees!

(as my friend and former entree Jae Park, likes to refer to me)

I find that in these modern times, it is still SOOO easy for people to be misunderstood! My hobbies include:

  • swimming
  • sculpture
  • power-shopping
  • and even the occasional www browse

    But it is really just so easy for people to get the wrong impression! I'd like to set the record straight, or at least a little more upright and not quite so tilted to one side.

    The following is an excerpt from a recent interview with Herdmaster Rees:

    Many of your contemporaries accuse you of viewing other people as future entrees.

    That's really not true, I think that every person has a unique contribution to society as a whole. Perhaps not unique, but at least plaguerized with some sense of style.

    But you ARE a cannibal, are you not?

    More of a people-person, really.

    Please be more specific

    Yes, alright, I'm a cannibal. Why is it that so many people mistake cannibals for cruel, heartless individuals? All we really want is kindness, acceptance, and a loving family....from time to time--have to watch my figure, you know. I adore children and I love to cook. Is it any wonder that I choose to combine my two hobbies and cook small children? Babies are precious and sweet, but they are SO, REMARKABLY improved by the addition of a nice white sauce and a few sprigs of parsley. I am a typical girl in so many respects; for example,like many of my contemporaries, I really dig Brad Pitt. The only difference seems to be that I can appreciate Brad's nutritive value as well as his acting abilities.

    So, we're just prey to be hunted and disposed of, is that it?

    I really wouldn't go so far as to say prey. The word implies some sort of chase, or hunt. Most of the individuals I eat are not interesting enough to deserve such a title. A lot of the time I just eat tiresome people in self-defense--it's either that or be bored to death.

    There are just a few more questions I'd like to ask you...

    More? This interview has gone on so long already!

    Some of our readers want to know who was the biggest celebrity you've ever eaten.

    Is that biggest in terms of volume or public stature?

    Ummmm....either. Both.

    Really, there are so many more INTERESTING facets to my personality. Wouldn't you rather hear about the time I had a blind date with Sonny Bono? Or how about my fabulous adventures as an undercover tibetan monk?

    No, really. Just the caniballism.

    You know, at FIRST I thought it would be a lot of fun to be featured in [MAGAZINE NAME REMOVED] , but I REALLY think this interview has gone on long enough!

    No, really. Just a few more questions, and...hey! Wait just a minute! I thought you just had lunch!

    I'm simply terrible about snacking between meals.

    End of excerpt.