Walt's Laws of Self-Preservation

1. Don't ever try to crawl through the little gap separating Heaven hyperspace and Purgatory Kitchen hyperspace. I don't care who you are, you don't fit. You will get stuck. You will rip your clothes. You will bleed.

2. Don't throw bagels at waiters.

3. If you must throw a bagel at a waiter, throw it whole. Don't cut it in half and throw each piece separately.

4. Never explore the SAC hyperspace without a flashlight.

5. Never explore the SAC hyperspace without a flashlight you know you can trust. Violation of this law can lead to unintentional violation of rule #4.

6. When in doubt, push the button rather than applying torque.

7. Don't fly from LAX, to Florida with a stopover in Detroit, especially in December and January. Your actual flight schedule and the schedule printed on your ticket will bear only the faintest trace of resemblance to each other. (This rule tested twice. Found to be fully in effect each time.)

8. Don't eat the Jell-o until you're sure you know what's in it.

9. Don't drink lots of chunky hot salsa mixed with water unless you know you like V-8.

10. Never, ever splash a gob of burning rubber lab glove onto your hand.

11. Be sure not to krazy-glue your finger to the phone bill.

12. Never sleep on sawdust. You'll regret it in the morning.

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