Personal Ads I've Never Placed


The title used to be redundant, but I've since caved in and placed an ad (online)... actually with some success! It is still an amusing thing to dwell upon during the less exciting moments of life, however. If you were to place a personal ad, what would you write? Here are a few I might actually submit, if I ever again feel a strong desire to do such a thing:


Single male, 26, seeks female who would never read personal ads in anything more serious than a half-joking mood. Must only ever-so-slightly wish to reply.


Single free-thinking, kind, compassionate male agnostic, mid-20s, seeks female with similar tendencies of roughly similar age for relationship between equals. Must enjoy long conversations and have a bit of a silly streak. Desire to eventually share in the raising of free-thinking, caring children is a definite plus. Must be willing to commit if all goes well, but NEVER eager to commit. Should be mindful of never giving away her freedom, nor taking that of another. Wisdom and the capacity to love very deeply are essential.


Single male, born February 22, 1973, 5'9", 150lbs., seeks single female born August 23 of some year in the 1970s (1975?). Full name (first, middle (if you have one), and last) should be 19 letters long, probably including a form of the name Elizabeth, and likely the letters "der" at the end of her last name. Must not flinch at weird explanations of why this is true, but simply accept it as some bizarre form of coincidence, as do I. Should enjoy patterns.


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