So you've managed to live a normal life with your Triple-Nipple. You finished high
school; you have a girlfriend; you work out twice a week; you drink Pepsi One
because it has that secret formula that's too good to be called "diet".
But every now and then, you can't help but wonder, "Is this all I'm destined
for? Will this cursed Triple-Nipple be the cause of anything besides pain and
suffering?"
These are the refreshing--refreshing like Pepsi One is refreshing--answers, respectively, to these two probing questions.
Arguably the greatest benefit of having a Triple-Nipple is the opportunity for personal advancement beyond the opportunties of less fortunate people.
Your Triple-Nipple can be used in countless ways for climbing the career ladder of success. However, keep in mind that this brings with it many a moral dilemma. Always remember that your Triple-Nipple can be used for good, or it can be used for evil...
To help you understand the distinction, here are some contrasting examples of using
your Triple-Nipple for good and evil:
| GOOD | EVIL |
|---|---|
| Hang the bosses coat on it | Seduce the boss |
| Give it responsibility of performing "emergency machine shutoff" | Use it to strangle co-worker who is competing with you for promotion |
| Use it as a meeting reminder | Seduce your secretary |
| Train to respond to chemical/safety hazards | Force underlings to be accountable to the nipple rather than you |
| Presentation tool in dry meetings | Seduce attractive clients |
| Entertain children, if appropriate | Distract co-workers to grab the last donut in a meeting |
The chart does a good job of showing ways that you can use your Triple-Nipple to boost your standing on the job. Sometimes it is possible to use it physically as a type of tool, while other times it is useful for personal inspiration or motivation. If you can find ways to do both, you will be assured a satisfying career. Do your best to keep you and your Triple-Nipple in the spotlight of success!
If you have not yet secured a permanent job, but are instead preparing for a career or still deciding your future, it is helpful to know that there are a number of careers which require a Triple-Nipple. If you are so gifted, give strong consideration to pursuing one (or more) of them.
All of these careers are growing rapidly and offer excellent pay, benefits and high personal satisfcation. As people become more deformed from television, drug abuse during pregnancy, and increasingly frequent nuclear meltdowns, the rewards for being a part of these fields will continue to grow.
There are a variety of situations in day-to-day life where you can use your Triple-Nipple for small-time social gain. Here are some examples to get you started, but remember to be creative and explore new ideas.