Caring for your Triple-Nipple

The priveledge of having an additional nipple also bears with it additional responsibility. You are no longer able to ignore or takes your nipples for granted. You must give them-- each of them--the care and attention they deserve.

You should care for your Triple-Nipple as if it were yor own son or daughter--good luck finding out which! The care you give your Triple-Nipple is an expression of your character as a person, or as an interested onlooker of Triple-Nipple activity.

Although we adhere to the naming practice within this site, it is unfortunate that an extra nipple has been so carelessly dubbed a "third" nipple. This implies that the nipple is unwanted or somehow less than the other two nipples.

It is your utmost duty to give each of your nipples the same amount of love and care. Doing so will prevent one of them from becomming lonely (and withering) or from being attacked by the others in fits of jealous rage. Oftentimes, a nipple will plead for your attention by hardening or changing shape. Pay no attention to this, lest you only nurture such behavior. Avoiding the obvious temptation will produce well-rounded, disciplined nipples.

In showing proper care to your nipples, keep the following in mind:

• Wash each of them each time you shower. Don't skimp here!

• Never talk about a nipple to the other two behind its back.

• Acknowledge all of your nipples in daily conversation, when appropriate.

• If you decide to pierce a nipple, do so with extreme thought and care as to the effects on the other two. One fair solution is to pierce all three and join them together with a silver chain of unity.

• Oftentimes one nipple will be significantly smaller than the other two--the runt of the family. Take extra steps to be sure that it does not become the subject of undeserving teasing and harassment.

• Likewise, on the other extreme, if one nipple is unusually large and strong, it will tend to "harden" and bully the other two around. This is even more threatening, as it can lead to nipple sagging, areola discoloration, and low nipple-self-esteem. Don't let this happen.

Because they are due in part to freakish genetic mutations, Triple-Nipples can be animal-like in their behavior. Sometimes this translates to cat-like responses such as purring during excessive petting. But other times it means that behavior is not unlike that of a savage tiger, roaming the jungle with focused determination that will only be tamed with raw blood. Woe to these nipples! Woe! The chart below gives some common problems encountered with Triple-Nipples in such a state, and effective ways to deal with each one.

Dealing with Savage Nipples

PROBLEM	ANIMAL	SOLUTION
Barks at neighbors, mailman, etc.	Dog	Use a choke-chain for proper discipline. A great feature if you're the gothic type.
Likes to rub against other people's legs	Cat	What's wrong with that?! Get down on your knees and be nice to it for a change!
Enjoys crawling through long, narrow tunnels	Hamster	Be sure to spend some time in the playland next time you visit McDonald's. He'll thank you for months to come!
Likes listening to Britney Spears	Dead raccoon	God help us all...
Unable to move when faced with oncoming car headlights	Deer	Make the best of a bad situation by taunting the car as it gets dangerously closer. Don't worry--they usually swerve. Bonus points if they crash.
Unfailingly floats up-side-down at the surface during baths or swimming.	Dead fish	Try flushing down the toilet. If that doesn't work, try flushing down the toilet. Oh, wait.
Uses SONAR to communicate with undersea friends	Dolphin	Spend a day at SeaWorld to relieve the fierce urges to communicate. While you're there, try to mess up a performance or confuse a dolphin so it swims into a wall.
Hibernates during winter	Bear	Now that it's out of sight, time to go after all those ladies who cringed at your Triple-Nipple. Be the man!!
Bites off people's head with a single powerful chomp	Crocodile	Well shit! Keep the girlfriend away from there!!!