Interacting with Others in Daily Life

It is essential to realize that everyone chooses how they will integrate their Triple-Nipple into their daily life. Some waste countless nerd-hours contemplating this choice, others leave it as an unconscious decision that leads to massive public humiliation and shame. It all depends on the individual.

Although the degree of daily nipple interaction and involvement is continuous (not discrete), and highly variable, Triple-Nipplers can be generally classified into three types based on how they bring their Triple-Nipple into regular living, easily identified by the phrases they use in common conversation. It is useful to examine these types before continuing.

1. Sanguine Exhibitionist

   Description: This is the type that flaunts their Triple-Nipple at every opportunity. To them, it is obviously a tool for social gain, and it is used as such in every way. It might be to make new friends, to overcome a dry spot in conversation, or to mentally disturb vulnerable children. As you pass them in the hallway or at the water cooler, you recognize them with phrases like:
   
   

   • "You look like you've had a rough day. Want to rub your face in my Triple-Nipple to feel better?"
     
   • "Why, just the other day I got pulled over and my Triple-Nipple managed to talk us out of a ticket. Whew!"
     
   • "Hey guys, guess what? My Triple-Nipple can slam a beer faster than Murry! What a loser!"
     
   
   
   

2. Reluctant but Open

   Description: This is the type of person who, though not ashamed of their Triple-Nipple, would just as soon not bring it up in most conversations. If it is finally brought up, they often (though not always) open their heart and share about the trials of being Triple-Nippled. Although very moving to overly emotional women, for the rest of us it brings with it the risk of having a lifetime of traumas and problems dumped out in a fit of pathetic dispair. Proceed with caution. You can be sure you have found one of these types at your job or a social occasion if you hear something like:
   
   

   • "Every time I lie on my chest, it irritates me. I can't even sleep on my stomach! Why?!!"
   • "All I ever wanted was to father three normal children who had two nipples apiece. Now that dream is gone. Is it too much to ask for?"
   • "My parents orphaned me when they saw my third nipple. Now my foster parents lock me in a cage and feed me unprocessed grain. I feel special."
   
   
   

3. Shame and Denial

   Description: This type does everything in their power to avoid the discovery of their Triple-Nipple. If the topic arises in conversation, for whatever reason, they immediately change the subject. Shirts always cover their chest completely to avoid a sighting, and when showering after P.E. they wrap their towel around their chest instead of their hips. When they have been discovered, they immaturely deny it or act completely casual, as if it was entirely normal and common to have a Triple-Nipple. They are most easily identified right after being discovered:
   
   

   • "You mean you don't have three nipples?"
   • "Triple-Nipple? I know you are, but what am I?"
   • "That's not a Triple-Nipple. That's a tapeworm who has established an external breeding cavity on the surface of my skin. Here, touch it."
   
   
   

Now that you have taken an objetive look at the three types, take a moment to decide where you fall in the grand scheme of things. This is an important first step to making a conscious decision about the way you hope to interact with others regarding your Triple-Nipple.

In our experience, we have found that Type 2, Reluctant but Open, is the most effetive strategy for most people. It does not throw your uniqueness directly into everyone's face, which can be especially bad for making new friends or business contacts, but when the topic comes up, the facts get presented and questions are promptly answered.

There are times, however, when Type 1 or Type 3 are better. Type 1, the Sanguine Exhibitionist, is often useful if you are still in high school... or are stupid enough to still be in high school... or are stupid enough to teach high school. If you are in a unqiue situation, it may be necessary to adopt the Type 3 approach. For example, if you are a respected medical doctor, partake in specific kinds of genocide activites directed at physical mutants, or belong to a Triple-Nipple hate group, there are obvious reasons for such behavior.

Beyond this, we can give you little help without assuming a particular personality and situation. As a final tool for deciding how to integrate your Triple-Nipple, we have conducted a thorough survey of people of all ages, asking them how they would react to a friend or co-worker with a Triple-Nipple. Here is a small sampling of the responses:

• "I would be grossed out."
• "I would be very hurt that he didn't tell me before."
• "It would come to my mind every time I talked to him: 'Hi Jason (Triple-Nipple freak). How are you (and your Triple-Nipple)? What are you (and your Triple-Nipple) doing tonight?' "
• "Hurl. Definitely hurl."
• "I wouldn't mind at all."
• "[sniffle]. I would finally stop feeling like I was bearing this cross alone. Every morning I would wake up to a new ray of sunshine, bathed in the... HEY! Don't leave!"
• "Weirded out at first, but I would get used to it."
• "Give him the titty-twister he deserves!"
• "Triple-Nipple, huh? That's why I carry this. We don't like those types in this town."